1. Inspecting the gunk from your blackhead strip.
2. Or better, squeezing a blackhead and watching it pop out in a long and lovely trail.
3. Pulling out an ingrown hair.
4. Picking out a really hard and crusty bogey that’s been stuck in your nose.
But not eating it. Come on now.
5. Or blowing your nose into a tissue and then inspecting the contents closely.
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6. Cleaning out the earwax from your ears and being happy about all of the dirt on the cotton bud.
Better than sex, guys.
7. Peeling your dry skin and marvelling at the precious wispy flake.
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Beautiful little skin feathers.
8. Waxing a body part and looking at all of the hairs stuck to the strip.
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9. Using a tongue scraper and being fascinating by the muck that comes off.
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10. Digging out the dirt from underneath your fingernails.
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11. Picking out food that’s stuck in your teeth.
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And then deciding whether you should eat it or put it in the bin…
12. Unloading a massive poo.
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It’s a daily delight.
13. Popping and picking a blister on your little toe.
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14. Or picking off an almost-healed scab.
Because we’re all sick fucks.
15. Scrubbing and rubbing your body hard until you see the little rolls of greyish dirt on your hands.
16. Picking out the crusted sleep from the corners of your eyes, especially the bits in your eyelashes.
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