Sometimes even deleting their number, unfollowing them on social media, and not going to your old spots you went to as a couple can make you stop thinking about your ex. And sometimes the temptation to rekindle that old flame is too much and we decide to get back together. But is that really ever a good idea? It works for some couples, like Kate and Will, just saying.
So why are we drawn back to the person who left us heartbroken? We’re only human and we don’t like change. “Sometimes the idea of starting again in the dating world, putting yourself out there and getting to know a new person is too daunting,” explains psychologist Melanie Schilling. “When an ex comes calling, it can feel like the easier option.”
She says we see getting back together as a shortcut to happiness, but it isn’t always that easy. And reuniting with an ex is even more complicated if you’ve both been seeing other people in between. That’s when Schilling says you need to be “completely transparent and have an honest discussion.”
And before you get back together, ask yourself:
- Am I trying to take a shortcut to happiness?
- Is this just an easy way to get into a comfortable relationship, instead of getting to know a new person?
- Would getting back together fulfill both of our needs? Or just one of us?
- Has the reason we broke up been resolved? No, really?
- What do my trusted friends think?
You might not like what you figure out, but it could save you from going through that heartbreak … again.